What is a soulmate? Is it that perfect partner, who connects with us at every level, understanding us as no one else can? Is it the charming prince or princess who sweeps us off our feet, carrying us off into a blissful future? Is it the one and only, in all of the eternity, which is meant just for us? Soulmates are often characterized in this way, and in the earliest stages of a relationship when both are searching for the ideal, such qualities are often projected onto the object of our fantasy. There is trouble in paradise when the fantasy fades, and we discover that our soul mate also has an ego, which invariably triggers things for our ego.
Must we then discard the idea of soulmates, giving up the search for bliss and perfection? Not at all. The truth is that whenever we open our hearts to love, we connect with the souls of others.
When two people have both opened their hearts, revealing to one another the depths of who they are, a soul bonding occurs. This can happen between friends as well as lovers. It can happen between parents and children. Such bonds are eternal bonds, but may not last a lifetime. This sounds like a contradiction, but what this means is that there is a connection between the two souls that exists beyond this reality. They touch for a while during this lifetime and then may seem to move in different directions. It is the personalities that go off on their paths because they have other learnings. There are many souls with whom we must connect and learn during this lifetime. Just because a relationship does not last for our entire lifetime, does not mean it is not with a soul mate.
Those to whom we are powerfully drawn are souls with whom we have something important to experience. We may be overwhelmed by the energy we feel, fall deeply in love, the dream of happily ever after and then suffer when the love dies before we do. Worse yet, the love we feel may draw us into a situation which turns out to be harmful on some level. The lessons learned in these situations are crucial, and would never have occurred had we not been powerfully drawn to that individual in the first place. Those are the learnings which prepare us for deeper levels of loving. Experiencing what we do not want enhances our appreciation of those things we want in a relationship. Experiencing a loving soulmate has as much to do with being a loving soulmate as anything else.
When we look at a partner through the eyes of love, seeing the beauty and perfection in his or her soul and opening our hearts to receive and support his or her essence, we are then mating at the level of soul. That moment holds the bliss and perfection we have been seeking. That moment might be when she’s just coming in from the garden after planting her flowers, with leaves in her hair and dirt smudged across her nose. It might be while you’re watching him change a diaper, or when you’re both tucking in the kids, or waving goodbye to the grandchildren. Often, it’s when you forget all that’s imperfect, and all that needs to be done, and take some time out for intimacy. Holding each other so close that you can feel your hearts beating, and melting into the love, is a moment of bliss. Maybe later you will disagree about something, or even get angry with one another. Soulmates do that too. But if you hold the love, and always come back to that place of open-heartedness, if you can see past your partner’s ego with its human limitations and indeed see his or her soul; if you honor the essence of that soul, then you are a soulmate. A relationship between soulmates may not be about finding one after all, but rather, about being one.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca and ‘Like’ Gwen on FaceBook for daily inspiration.