When a woman gets up the strength to walk away from an abusive and unhealthy relationship, one would hope the abuse would end. Sadly, that is when it tends to escalate. The “abuser” will not be OK with losing his “possession”. He will do everything to get that woman to come back to him, not because he loves her, but because his ego cannot stand being rejected so he will wage a war of terror on that woman because he wants his “beating stick” back so he can take out his rage, pain and anger on her. Now his reign of terror will be put into action.
The “abuser” will go to all of that woman’s friends and try to paint her in a bad light so that they will be on his side and turn against her. Her job will be contacted and he will tell her boss things about her. Of course the abuser is extremely convincing, so others would not have any reason to disbelieve him.
And if they didn’t believe him, he may even go as far as to threaten their children’s safety or threaten some other family member, in order to force that friend to be for him. So when the woman may turn to her “friends” for help they will shut the door in her face because the abuser now has them fearing for their life and the safety of their children and other family members. Or, he may have paid them an obscene sum of money for them to turn against the woman. She now has no one to turn to, except herself.
He would then go further by monitoring her emails, following her every move to see who she is meeting, with a plan to even get rid of that person. He will hack into her bank accounts, change the passwords, check to see what she is spending her money on, track her locations through her phone and credit cards. Anything that would make her come back to him and a lot of women do mistakenly thinking that he would calm down. That people IS what you call domestic violence.
By the end of it all, unless that woman is strong enough to seek help, she may either go back to him where she will surely die, or she may spend the rest of her life always looking over her shoulder and cowering out of fear. That man has now beaten her down to nothing and she is now afraid of her own shadow. Now that man has someone he can control, not to mention the children that they may have.
And that is why many women cannot get the help they seek because they can’t prove anything to the cops or even their friends in their close circle. The abuser may be friends with the police and he is so nice to all their friends that no one would ever believe that he is such a monster behind closed doors. The woman then has nowhere to turn.If you think all this sounds like a Lifetime Movie, where do you think Lifetime gets it’s movies from? Most of those movies are from real life situations. Psychological abuse is much, much worse than physical abuse. Psychological abuse is the hidden side of Domestic Violence and it is not easily recognizable nor is it easily proven.
For those of us who knows what it looks like, it is up to us to be a source of strength for those women, any woman, who is suffering from the deadly scourge of psychological abuse.
We need to start changing the cycle of abuse. Parents need to work on their emotional selves so that they can produce emotionally stable children. Parents need to respect each other and openly show affection to each other in front and behind the children. Let the children grow up in loving conditions. We need more people sharing their story, so that both men and women can start healing.
About the Author:
Trudy-Ann Ewan is an Inner Warrior Coach who seeks to provide to Women who are also Caretakers with that extra push so that they can begin to care for themselves without feeling selfish and or guilty. Women who are ready to step into ready to start living their life boldly and beautifully by reviving their inner passions.