How to Achieve a Happy Relationship by Gwen Randall-Young
Girls, read this! Read it whether you are 12 or 82. The recipe for unhappiness and disappointment in life is to make a guy (or anyone else) responsible for your happiness. Happily ever after is not about finding a man to love you, like in the fairy tales.
Love is wonderful, and it can bring a great deal of happiness. Expecting someone else to make you happy, however, is like drawing your electricity from your neighbor’s house. If they cut off the power, you are left in the dark. Having your own generator is the best guarantee of self-sufficiency. The same is true with love.
Co-dependency is needing someone else to keep you running smoothly. If two people need each other, then they are feeding off one another’s energy. A better way is for each to generate their own loving energy and inner joy. When this happens, they are both adding energy to the relationship. Relationships based on need tend to die slow, painful deaths, because there is not enough vital energy to sustain the relationship and keep it growing. Often there is bitterness and conflict, as neither one is fulfilled, and both keep blaming the other.
On the other hand, in relationships where each person is happy and fulfilled within him or herself, there is a continual influx of positive energy and optimism. Each always has something new to share or to add, so the relationship continues to grow and thrive. The result is synergy – that is, when the sum of the energy is more than the combination of what was contributed by each part.
The best way to have a happy relationship with another person is first to have a happy relationship with yourself. You need to take the time to know yourself, and to learn to emotionally nurture and care for yourself. It is never too early or too late in life to learn this. There are hundreds of books on the subject. Find one that is right for you, and get started. It will be both a smart move, and a good investment. You deserve it.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca